listening to: mexicola by queens of the stone age
reading:
mood: dissociated
weather: sunny. 40°f.
fronting: uncertain
whew. what an intense day of IOP. we're currently in trauma impact week, analyzing the ways in which traumatic experiences shape your behavior later in life. i identified i am prone to trauma blocking, and trauma splitting. there were a few topics that were... well, pretty triggering to me. i'm still feeling pretty spacey, but i am currently listening to music full blast and drinking a monster to pull myself out of hypoarousal. i can feel it working, slowly but surely. not to mention, my gf has been sending me cute reels on instagram, which is helping me feel better. :)
this morning, before things got too intense there, i was working on this site some more. i managed to finish the shrine directory, as well as get some really good work done on the queens of the stone age shrine. i'm in a very qotsa-y mood today, i notice. they are probably my #1 special interest, so... yeah! makes sense i'm leaning on them during trauma impact week. when my brain is doing such heavy lifting and hard work, it just makes sense that i would be leaning on my biggest media-based comfort. i fucking love queens of the stone age so much, you guys don't understand. if they weren't real ass middle-aged men, i might even go so far as to call them my "blorbos" (although i know that word is soooo 2023(?? when was "blorbo" a meme again??))
i'm slacking on my self-care a bit. i didn't shower this morning, and i've been slipping with my journaling. these past few weeks i've been journaling multiple times a day, filling out multiple pages a day. these past few days, i've been doing only one sitting of journaling per day, filling out less than one page. i'm giving myself grace about it—i can recognize the work i'm doing in IOP is tough, and i don't have as much brain capacity for journaling. i've also been quite fatigued/exhausted, which... you know, also makes sense. i think i wanna try to avoid napping today, though. we'll see how that goes, but i'd like to dedicate time to my website—or hell, maybe even my game. i kinda forgot i have that game jam going on, i really should make more of an effort to work on that. i just can't help that i've been so html/css-pilled.
again, i finished the shrine directory, and worked on my qotsa shrine. i have it at a place i'm happy with for today—i don't wanna push myself too hard on a single page in one day. so i'm gonna leave it unfinished for right now, and figure out something else to work on. i could work on the media list. that, or two ideas i'm having right now: a to-do list (maybe an individual page, maybe on the homepage), and a project log (for documenting progress on creative projects other than this website). i need to go update the changelog with what i've done thus far today, and then i will be choosing one of those to work on. in fact, as i type this out, i think i wanna put the to-do list on the homepage—and i wanna redo my homepage a bit in general. there's a bunch of empty space in the middle i wanna use, and some mild restructuring. that, and doing some personality quizzes and the like to put in the "sillies" box could be fun. i have some identity buttons to put on there, too.
thank you for reading all of this!!! i appreciate it :) i'll hopefully be back to update more of this blog later.
fronting: uncertain
jesus fucking christ.
i just made my mood tracker. that wasn't even one of the main things i wanted to work on today, but the idea came to me in a stroke of brilliance. in yet another stroke of brilliance, it took 1,095 lines of html to get it properly working. please look at my mood tracker. i worked too hard on this for it to go to waste. thank god it was mostly just a job of copy-pasting. it's not even like i don't have the daylio app, but i don't feel inclined to update it all that often. i'm hoping that, maybe, by making it public, i'll be incentivized to update it more often.
i'm officially regulated, also!! thank gawd for queens of the stone age, monster energy, and coding. i'm feeling much better / more centered than i did just a few hours ago. probably because i was too busy getting frustrated trying to figure out css grid. funniest part is, i ended up ditching the grid altogether and going with a table for the mood tracker instead. aye. alas.
my gf is off work in ~2 hours, at which point i wanna ask her to baldur's gate. problem is, i also have my marijuana anonymous meeting at 7:30pm tonight. she does have off work tomorrow, so i might ask how late she plans on staying up, and ask to play after the meeting? i dunno!! we'll see.
oh!! other than the mood tracker, i did get some good work done on my homepage :D i added the center container, as well as a few more boxes for more content. i should really take more quizzes to add to the "sillies" container. i hunted for many a blinkie to add to the graphics box, and even managed to write up a little introduction to my site in the "mission statement" box. not to mention the to-do box. at least now i have something to go back and reference when i'm looking for something to do on the site, rather than just pulling from the mental repetoire. that's right, i haven't even been writing a to-do list down on paper. i've been straight rawdogging this shit.
i should redo the landing page to warn of flashing and nsfw content also. oops. let me do that now, and then i'm gonna pick something else to do off of the to-do list. with that monster in my system, i am actually resisting the urge to nap!! i just got fuck all else to do, so continuing sitework it is.
fronting: uncertain
GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!! i finished the project directory page, as well as getting the adrift page to a point that i am pleased with. realistically, i should work on adrift tonight. but i'm soooooo exhausted. too much coding. too much coding. i think i need to call it a wrap on websiting for today.
i have my 12 step meeting soon, and i haven't showered yet today, so i'm gonna go do that. i'll try to upload the progress i've made on the site tonight, either before or after the meeting—we'll see. fare thee well!!